My weight has yo-yoed; so much so that I reached breaking point this year. I had put on a stone and a half which may not sound like a lot but to me it was a huge change.
I went up 2 dress sizes. I was horrified when I looked in the mirror. This is my own perception. I know I am not fat and this may sound ridiculous but it meant something to me.
I had let myself go. Depression had taken hold and I was comfort eating. I was in a new job and I had moved home. I was bored and food was my friend. It was something to do.
Now I wonder. Do I have an odd relationship with food? Do I use it too much? They say bi-polar can mean you have erratic eating and this correlates with a mood swing. I saw it as a coping mechanism.
All I needed was a bit of self-control really. As hard as that is!
I will be employing that this winter. I will attempt to make food on my day off. I often don’t have the energy to do much when I return from work and am very fortunate to be cooked for by people that care for me.
I managed to be disciplined all summer and made salads every day. This enabled me, and with exercise, to lose weight. Granted I was happier. I was proud of myself.
I am a huge self-critic. I have a negative inner voice that I battle with. That I am not good enough. That I’m not clever enough, healthy enough, saving enough money. This is where this need comes from to remember what I did before. To stay on the straight and narrow.
When you’ve been out of control, it is really scary. It puts things in perspective. It really does. I am trying my hardest to just cope some days. I know that sounds crazy as I hold down a full-time job, I function but sometimes I really do appreciate the little things as should you.
So if all I do this winter is hold my weight in the same place and not waiver, I’ll have that sense of achievement. If I can make some soups and healthy winter salads. I will be happy.
So what is it like to comfort eat? To always reach for the chocolate and wine. God I sound like a typical woman. I really do. The reality is, it is fine. It is a coping mechanism. It isn’t illegal, it just needs a little injection of self-control.
So my final thoughts are it is okay to comfort eat. We all have bad days but if you can add some structure to your day and not feel guilty for indulging, go on have the hot chocolate. You will be fine.
