I’d like to talk about the shame and stigma surrounding mental health. Throughout the past few days there’s been constant tweets and messages online about having a conversation around mental health.
Be it in an coffee shop, out on a walk, next to the water cooler.... Its important to just say “how are you?”
I was journalling recently and the thoughts that came to me were those of shame and uneasy ness of really being honest about being unwell.
Mental illness can sometimes be a secret, a secret that we hold dear, fearful of someone else’s reaction. I have felt this deeply. Its a part of my life that I keep secret from my work colleagues and some friends as I fear their reaction. But why? Its just an illness like any other I hear you say!
I anticipate that “awkward silence” like a big black rain cloud moving closer to you, above you, as if all of a sudden you get soaked and everyone else is dry. And there you are, wet and damp, and everyone is staring at you and pitying you or simply not knowing what to say.
I feel like, sometimes, well now is the time to, “come out” so to speak. As soon as you talk about your illness the dark cloud dissipates and evaporates. Its just disappears.
If only it was easier, why is there this invisible barrier? After having a break down in 2017, I have only been asked once or twice how I am now. Perhaps this is due to stigma or due to societal pressure to keep things hushed up, but I am guilty too. I should lead these conversations and talk more openly about the fact that I've been well since November, if not before.
Its hard to open up to loved ones, but honestly, I know they will understand. And the few conversations I have had, the honest ones, have truly been great, and easy, as if there’s no shame at all.
So do speak out, its not that hard, and you will feel a hell of a lot better afterwards, and it just feels good, instead of the dark cloud its a rainbow.
If I don't break the stigma, who is? No one is going to do it for me.
So, as hard as it has been for me to share my secret (the beauty of a blog is sharing without knowing who is reading) I need to come out and say I have been depressed, suicidal, mental, all of the above, and thats ok. It is an illness that creeps up on you some days and makes you sad for no reason, makes you cry and unable to get out of bed. But there I said it, I am still a fully functioning adult, (most of the time) and like everyone else, has their ups and downs.
Lets beat stigma together and get talking :)